Confession: I've become a crazy prayer woman...

Ok, so not necessarily crazy but I am definitely a praying woman lately. If I tell you that I am going to pray for you, know that I am. I get so excited to pray and I could spend a lot of time doing it. Now, if you know me or my history, you are probably asking yourself what changed.

The weird thing is, 6 months ago, I hated praying. Wait, it's not that I 'hated' it but more like I was insecure in my prayer thinking it was not good enough to cover the person I was praying for. One night I just wanted to be open with God about it and I dumped it all [aka gave it over] to him and since then, I can't stop praying! I LOVE it! I make it a point to pray with B3 as well. So if you told me something really personal and secretive, I'm sorry, but I shared with my 7 month old son. [He's pretty good at this prayer thing too].

Anyways, I love doing it now and it doesn't even really bother me to do it out loud anymore. I look forward to praying and do it throughout the day so if YOU or ANYONE you know needs prayer... let me know. I'll help give it to God.

Confession: I have many physical scars.

Yep. Lots of them. There is a story behind each one and some stories I am not so proud of. It's funny because I look at each one [there are two I have had since being a baby that I have no idea how I got] but think about each of the situations I was in when I got them. My favorite, of course, is the putty knife vs my leg. The putty knife won and each time I look at my leg, I have to laugh at how that happened. I used to be ashamed of the scars I have and thought they were ugly because what is beautiful about a scar? Well, the story behind it. The trials that have been overcome. The fears faced. The results of depression.

God has brought me through a lot. Through each and every scar, whether I knew it [or Him] or not, he was there with me. Funny how if I would have known Him fully or just went to Him when needed, how some of these scars would not exist. Weird... the kind of peace knowing Him can bring and relying fully on what he can and will do if we as people are just willing to give it over to God. Crazy... who woulda thunk it. [Yes, I know that is not proper English.]

Confession: I'm disappointed.

I was so proud of myself these past few days/week because I planned a pretty sweet date night for Brian and I tomorrow. I had the baby sitter set and reservations made and it was going to be grand. Then, Brian tells me that they [his family] changed days on looking at cabins up north and made plans for Saturday. DANG!! So, plans were cancelled for Saturday. Brian and I haven't had a date night in forever and I really wish once we could actually go out when planned. But, yet again [and yes, this is me venting - we put ourselves/relationship on hold to satisfy others.] **Insert sad face**

Ok, so I plan everything for Friday. I'm able to move my reservation and every thing was going to work out. Babysitter was set to come to our house at 1pm and we were gonna be off. Then the usual Friday morning meeting that Brian attends now had to be in the afternoon ... at 1pm. It's no fault of Brian's because I really just wanted to surprise him so he didn't know that I had things ready to go...

Yet another phone call to the baby sitter to say nevermind. I'm deeply saddend and disappointed that all of these surprises I'm trying to create for us are always put on the back burner. Other people come first... for both of us. We like to serve others but I really just want to see/talk to my husband. With the work schedule the way it is, we rarely see each other now anyways.

Next time I really want to be selfish and say "Sorry everyone, but I have a date planned and we are going on it."

But part of me really wants to say "Your lack of planning does not constitute my emergency."

oye... :o(

Confession: I am in l.o.v.e.

There are so many times that the daily tasks I have take my focus away from things. With Brian's work schedule being the way it is, I pretty much get to see him 3 days a week that we actually get to see each other. When we do get to see each other, it's pretty much a dump session that I tell him everything that has happened over the previous days and vice versa. It's weird too, because I see what it's like to be a single mom at that time too. He is sleeping and when he gets up, he goes straight to work, then comes home and goes to bed... the cycle is pretty regular. All I have to say, is I do not know how single women can do it! I get so tuckered out by the 3rd day that I just can't wait to have the help!

Anyway, back to the topic of this... One day last week as I was dumping on Brian about the events that took place, I kind of had an outer body experience. I know I was talking to him and I know what I was saying but it's like I was standing outside my body watching myself talk to him. Then I looked at him.

I love this man so much. I love how he makes me feel. I love how he holds me and how he cares about me. He listens to me no matter how many times I repeat myself with the same story and he is there to constantly support me. Being able to experience this kind of love is amazing and I could not be more happier.

There are so many people in relationships that I know who do not have that... and it makes me sad. I can only pray that one day they too will get to know Jesus and have that kind of relationship.

Thank you Jesus for the blessings you have continuously given me. Thank you for the loving, kind husband I have and for his compassion and love for me. I am honored that you chose him for me and grateful to call him mine.

On a side note.. I had 5 friends give birth to 5 babies [all girls] in a 5 day window!
1/29 Caroline --> Krarrie [Yes, that R is supposed to be there]
1/30 Katie --> Stacylynn
1/31 Joylynn --> Sonya
2/1 Grace --> Hope
2/2 Cheresa --> Madison

Guess it's the season for girls!