Dancing
Reading
Buying my first car
Going on my first date
Approving of the man I want to marry
Father Daughter Dance
Walking me down the aisle
Seeing my son
Family Cookouts
A HUG
The list can go on and on...
The jist of it, is I miss my father. I miss a man I never knew. I miss the man I hope he was and always envisioned him being. I remember going to his grave site many many years ago [I was a young teenager] and I just remember looking at his headstone and cried. Why? Why shed tears over someone I never met? Granted, he is my father and there will always be that connection we have ... I mean he did give me life but other knowing that, I have nothing to miss. Or do I?
I have always felt stupid when these feelings have come up in me. Yes, I will never have any of the above interactions with him and every year I know this but still does not make it easier. This year it is a little different for me because I find myself asking questions that are important to me but not so to my mom.
Was he saved? [No] But did he believe? [Don't know] Did he cry out to God in his last moments? Did he love me? Why were there NO pictures taken of he and I while he was here? Will I be reunited with him when I pass? WHERE WAS HE AT SPIRITUALLY???? As God becomes an increasingly bigger part of my life, I can't help but think this about all my relatives. I know many are not saved, but some believe. To what extent, who knows because they never talk about it but is it enough?? Some of my family/friends do not understand how I feel and why I believe what I do because to them, God may exist but not enough to captivate them enough to want to learn more. I'm scared for when they pass because how could you not want to spend eternity with Him? Where is my dad??
I was thinking about hell last night and just how miserable of a place that must be and how I never want see it. Then I got thinking... I sin. Is my sin bad enough to send me there? I repent and try to make right what I can, but is it enough?
I can only hope that when I do go, that I will see him waiting for me, arms extended to embrace me. I hope that I will get the hug I've wanted since I knew what hugs were. I'm hopeful that will happen... I'm hoping that in his last moments, he called out to God and God grabbed him and held him in those moments when he was in pain, unable to breathe. I hope that as he took his last breath, he was with Jesus right then and there...
I hope....
Going on my first date
Approving of the man I want to marry
Father Daughter Dance
Walking me down the aisle
Seeing my son
Family Cookouts
A HUG
The list can go on and on...
The jist of it, is I miss my father. I miss a man I never knew. I miss the man I hope he was and always envisioned him being. I remember going to his grave site many many years ago [I was a young teenager] and I just remember looking at his headstone and cried. Why? Why shed tears over someone I never met? Granted, he is my father and there will always be that connection we have ... I mean he did give me life but other knowing that, I have nothing to miss. Or do I?
I have always felt stupid when these feelings have come up in me. Yes, I will never have any of the above interactions with him and every year I know this but still does not make it easier. This year it is a little different for me because I find myself asking questions that are important to me but not so to my mom.
Was he saved? [No] But did he believe? [Don't know] Did he cry out to God in his last moments? Did he love me? Why were there NO pictures taken of he and I while he was here? Will I be reunited with him when I pass? WHERE WAS HE AT SPIRITUALLY???? As God becomes an increasingly bigger part of my life, I can't help but think this about all my relatives. I know many are not saved, but some believe. To what extent, who knows because they never talk about it but is it enough?? Some of my family/friends do not understand how I feel and why I believe what I do because to them, God may exist but not enough to captivate them enough to want to learn more. I'm scared for when they pass because how could you not want to spend eternity with Him? Where is my dad??
I was thinking about hell last night and just how miserable of a place that must be and how I never want see it. Then I got thinking... I sin. Is my sin bad enough to send me there? I repent and try to make right what I can, but is it enough?
I can only hope that when I do go, that I will see him waiting for me, arms extended to embrace me. I hope that I will get the hug I've wanted since I knew what hugs were. I'm hopeful that will happen... I'm hoping that in his last moments, he called out to God and God grabbed him and held him in those moments when he was in pain, unable to breathe. I hope that as he took his last breath, he was with Jesus right then and there...
I hope....
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